


Mass Effect: Alternative Resolution

by Xelestial



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fanart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2012-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-17 17:17:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xelestial/pseuds/Xelestial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard resists Harbinger’s indoctrination attempt and wakes up under rubble in London but manages to finish the run to the beam. Once the Crucible is in place, Shepard must then choose how to end the Reaper threat so that the galaxy can be spared. But the choices and their subsequent consequences may be too much for her to bear…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mass Effect: Alternative Resolution

**Author's Note:**

> This story utilizes the indoctrination theory, as well as the scrapped idea for an ending that fans found that could have happened for Mass Effect. The theory was vague since it was early in development, so I had to do a lot of research and creative manipulation to make it seem somewhat plausible. If you don't know it, I don't want to spoil it here :)
> 
> This story tries its best to stay close to the official canon while creating an alternate ending, as I thought this would be a great challenge. It also uses numerous bits of scrapped ideas, and some cut dialog between two characters. Notes at the end will give specifics from where I pulled from scrapped ideas, and reasons why certain things are the way they are. Just go into it with an open mind.
> 
> I want to thank chissbountyhunter for her wonderful artwork which you see in-story. It was a pleasure to work with her. I also want to thank Alisha Torn for organizing the Mass Effect Big Bang which produced this. Thank you for reading.
> 
> - _Xelestial_

_I’m…still alive?_

The last thing Shepard remembered was fire. Its brightness and heat had taken over everything. She had used every last bit of her strength to shoot the tube that would end the Reapers. To walk as boldly as she could toward the end of the war—and her life.

She’d thought that had been it; the end of her own life and the beginning of trillions more. Shepard had known there was no coming back from her decision, and she had thought there was no coming back at all once the Crucible destroyed the Reapers.

Yet here she was, apparently alive. Wherever _here_ was.

Shepard blinked, and then realized her eyes were already open. But she couldn’t see a thing. A twinge of panic stung her, and then she was reaching out into the darkness wildly, trying to touch or feel anything. Her arms burned, her ribs ached and she inhaled sharply as she drew back and clutched her stomach. She was in bad shape, she knew. Definitely some broken ribs—that was nothing new– and some burns, maybe second or third degree. She was no doctor, but the pain was severe. But what really concerned Shepard was the severe pain in her abdominal area. Internal injuries, maybe. It could mean that she would bleed out before she even had a chance to figure out what was going on.

_I’ve come too far to let that happen. I need to make sure…make sure the Reapers are dead, at least._

It was hard to think too, with the pounding headache she had. But Shepard steeled herself and tried to reach out again. This time she touched something. Something hard and gritty. _Is that…concrete?_ _Am I on Earth?_ Feeling around, Shepard touched something long, cylindrical and cooler to the touch. A metal pole, she guessed. The precariously placed pole had saved her life, as it was the only thing keeping the chunk of concrete from crushing her.

Carefully, Shepard placed one hand on the concrete slab to steady it while using the pole for leverage as she pushed it off her. Pain shot through her again as she found herself shaking, but she forced herself through it. Finally, with one last push, Shepard threw the slab off and dropped the metal pole. She held her midsection as she sat up; taking in hard, sharp breaths. Shepard looked around her and quickly took in her surroundings.

She was in the clearing, the path made by Harbinger to the beam. The beam was still there, not far from her but Harbinger was nowhere in sight. There were many dead and dying soldiers around her, while a few were trying to fight off the remaining husks. Shepard’s hand instinctively went to her pistol, but it wasn’t there. One of the remaining soldiers screamed as a husk jumped on him. Shepard dropped her hand from her side and painfully got to her knees. Desperate, she shoved her burned hands into the rubble as the soldier’s screams spurred her on. _Please be here, o_ ne part of her begged, while the realist in her scolded, _It could have been burned or knocked away._ Shepard looked up and saw the husk tearing the soldier apart. _Is there anything left I can do?_

Shepard’s hand hit something slick and familiar. She seized it quickly. Everything seemed to slow as Shepard pulled the pistol out from under the rubble, rocks falling away from it as pointed it where she had last seen the husk. It had already finished with the soldier and had just seen her. It screamed at her, and the other husks around it stopped to stare at Shepard. They began their unnatural run toward her and Shepard prayed there were still enough clips for all of them. Her hand shook but she used her other to steady it. She pulled the trigger and one went down…then two…three….

Shepard heard a fast beep as the weapon overheated and the last two husks came toward her. _Damn it!_ Still on her knees, she tried to rise but fell back down to one knee, one hand down to steady her. The husks were right in her face now. Shepard clenched her hand into a fist and punched one as hard as she could. It flew right into the other husk, knocking it over.

Through sheer force of will Shepard forced herself to stand up, bringing down her foot upon the fallen husk’s screaming face. She heard a satisfying crunch, but the husk she had punched rose up again. This time Shepard whacked it in the face with her pistol. As it staggered back, she hit it in the head with the pistol several more times, bashing its brains in. Or whatever was left of them. Finally, the husk fell. Shepard stood there amongst the fires and dead soldiers, breathing in raggedly, trying to calm down. Then she realized she had been screaming the whole time. From pain, from adrenaline. From fear.

_The mission!_ Shepard turned to face the beam. She knew she didn’t have much strength left and that her adrenaline would wear off soon. _Didn’t I…Didn’t I do this? Didn’t I just go through all of this? The Reapers are supposed to be dead!_   Shepard shook her head, instantly regretting the action. She grabbed her head. Whatever was happening was like a bad case of déjà vu. Shepard didn’t understand it, but she knew she had to keep going. She didn’t know where Harbinger had disappeared to, or where the rest of the Reaper forces were, but she knew what she had to do.

Wrex, Miranda, Jacob, Grunt.  Samara, Jack, Zaeed and Thane. They hadn’t had the luxury of escaping on the Normandy. They were still out there somewhere on Earth’s battlefield. Still fighting, still leading their troops. She hoped they were still alive. And if they were, she hoped they’d stay that way until she could figure out how to end this. For good.

That’s all she could do right now. Hope that her friends were still alive; somewhere out in space or on the battlefield. Hope that Garrus would be all right. She had to cling onto something while she focused on the mission.

Ignoring the moaning soldiers–some even reaching out to her–Shepard staggered past them to the beam. _I’m sorry._ There was a soldier who had almost made it to the beam lying nearly on top of it. _You almost made it._ _Don’t worry, soldier. I’ll complete the mission…you can rest now._ As Shepard stepped into the blinding light of the beam, for a split second she could see the soldier’s face clearly. It was Anderson.

At that moment, Shepard was beamed up. Everything went black.

* * *

 Shepard opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was red and the first thing she smelt was death. She slowly pushed herself up, already knowing what she would see. Bodies. Nothing but bodies and Keepers everywhere. She slowly stood up and wondered how long she’d been there. She felt stiff and weaker than ever. Her pain was so diffuse; she was practically numb all over now. In fact, Shepard felt as if she had woken up from death. _Maybe, but then that means I’m here for a reason. Gotta keep moving._ As she slowly moved toward the chasm she knew would be there, Shepard wondered if she would see the Illusive Man. Would she see the Cata—but wait. She was supposed to have met someone by now, before anyone else. _Anderson._

Anderson was what was missing from this equation. Her mind’s eye went back to Anderson, his body lying there near the beam, his hat blown or burned off, his face bloodied almost beyond recognition. She had already seen him die once – would she have to be haunted by the knowledge that she had let him die twice?

_The mission. Focus on the mission._ She truthfully found it hard to focus on anything at the moment, but she would go on as long as she drew breath.

Shepard ascended the slope slowly and saw the controls to open the arms. She moved numbly toward the controls, hand tight on her pistol. She knew what she had to do, now. 

Shepard dragged herself to the controls and opened the arms. She watched as the arms opened, revealing firefights against the Reapers against the beautiful backdrop of Earth. Just like in her dream.

“I underestimated you, Shepard.”

Shepard turned around, already knowing it was the Illusive Man. Except, he didn’t look the same as in her dream – or was it a vision? The extent of his cybernetics were much worse. His entire right side glowed blue with cracks all over his face, and three bug-like arms stuck out of his shoulder and back. No matter, she knew what he was going to say and what he might try to do. And she wasn’t going to let it happen.

“I’m going to give you…one chance to leave,” Shepard said, her mouth dry and her voice weak. “Leave it up to me. I know…I know you’re indoctrinated. But if you can fight them for just a little while…I can stop them. ” Shepard said, panting. Talking was an effort now, so she knew she couldn’t waste time doing so.

“I warned you, control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers-“

Shepard interrupted him. It was surreal to hear this again. She felt like they were actors in a vid. “No. You…you can’t control the Reapers. You can’t be trusted with that kind of power. I’ve seen it!”

“This isn’t about me or you. This is about something so much bigger than all of us!”

Shepard shook her head. It was exactly the same. She was wasting time, and possibly wasting her life. She had to make a decision fast. it!e Mans he hat is already controlling you ol of the Reaperst he might try to do. And she wasn'istol. She knew what she

“You can’t control something that is already controlling you and you can’t control me. You made your choice a long time ago. Now I’ve got to make mine.”

The Illusive Man’s eyes widened as Shepard lifted her pistol and aimed it at him.

“Shepard, I can-“

“I’m sorry.”

A shot rang out, echoed in the large space around them. The Illusive Man’s body dropped to the ground. Shepard swallowed hard. She didn’t kill people in cold blood, especially ones that used to be allies. But she was fading fast and knew he was dangerous. And that his will was too strong to change his mind, but not strong enough to overcome the indoctrination. In her vision, he had shot himself in the head to free himself from it.

Shepard hobbled over to the controls and pressed the keys necessary to open the arms to the Citadel. As the arms opened to reveal Earth, the Illusive Man’s voice came from behind her and her hand went to her gun as she turned around. But he was still on the ground, his expensive suit covered in blood. He was holding his head up as he looked out the glass. This hadn’t happened before, since he had committed suicide in her dream.

“There…Earth…I wish you could see it like I do…Shepard,” he said quietly. “It’s so…perfect…” His head gently fell to the ground.  Shepard looked back at Earth, wondering what he meant. She stood there a few minutes, feeling suddenly very tired as she wondered what to do next. Where was the Catalyst to come and tell her everything she had known was a lie?

Shepard heard a strange sound behind her just then, breaking her out of her stupor. She scrambled to grab her gun and she turned around to see all of the flesh of the Illusive Man melting off. Reaper tech immediately began rapidly rebuilding and adding to what was left of his skeleton. Shepard began shooting though she scarcely knew what was happening, but it appeared to have no effect. As the monstrosity rose, she could see he wasn’t the Illusive Man anymore, not really.

_Saren._   She thought back to their fight when Sovereign was attacking the Citadel. He had killed himself, much like the Illusive Man had in her dream. But a few moments later he had risen up, a horrific cybernetic shell of himself. But this was different; the Reapers had obviously stepped up their game with the Illusive Man, perhaps now knowing what Shepard was capable of.

What used to be the Illusive Man now reminded her of not much more than a Brute. His body was a gigantic mass of cables and cybernetics that supported a deformed skull with glowing blue eyes and a spine. One arm was a mass of cables similar to Geth’s arms, except that it was massive compared to the rest of his new body. But it was the other arm that had Shepard worried. It was some kind of energy gun.   

Shepard stood there, frozen with fear and shock at what had just happened. The creature opened its mouth to let loose an unnatural scream, much like Saren had. It directed its left cannon arm at Shepard and powered up a bright blue blast. She half leapt out of the way thanks to her instincts. But because of her injuries, Shepard ended up falling face down instead of rolling. Her body was too weak, too injured to even go through the motions.

She coughed up blood on the pristine floor as she struggled to get up. The Illusive creature screeched again, sending fear into her heart. It began a slow walk toward her, dragging its large arm and cables behind it. She realized she was too weak to rise in time as the creature lifted his arm again and she instead pulled out her pistol _. I’d give anything for a bigger gun right now_ , she thought wryly. She supported herself with her elbows as she aimed her shaking pistol into the creature’s head. It raised his left arm again, readying an energy blast to decimate her. Time seemed to slow as she looked into death itself for what would be the last time. As she prepared to take the shot, all Shepard could think of was Garrus. And how sorry she was.

The pistol beeped quickly. It had overheated.

Shepard dropped it and tried to roll out of the way but knew she wouldn’t make it.

A gunshot rang out. The Illusive creature stopped charging its arm. Several more loud shots rang out as the creature screeched and staggered sideways. Shepard had no idea what was happening but she scrambled to her knees. This was her only chance, she had to do something. She concentrated hard and threw a biotic Warp at the creature as powerful as she could make it. When she was this weak, she knew using biotics could be a death sentence. But letting this creature live would be one too.

The remains of the Illusive Man were thrown back by the force of the Warp, against the far wall near the entrance where she had come in. Where Anderson stood with a shotgun. Still bloodied and missing his hat, Anderson was breathing hard as he lifted the shotgun and emptied it into the creature’s skull. The creature screeched one final time and then dissipated into ashes.

Shepard, still on her knees, fell to her hands breathing hard. She struggled to stay conscious, to not throw up but the world was spinning around her. She grabbed her gun—the only thing that made sense right now—and put it on her holster.

“Shepard!” Anderson yelled.

She shook her head, not looking at him. She thought tears were trying to come but they wouldn’t. She was so confused, and she had been so scared. She felt sick to her stomach and had the worst headache of her life. But she still felt happy. Happy that Anderson was alive.

“Shepard.” Anderson said, putting a hand on her shoulder. He had limped slowly over to her, dropping the empty shotgun in the process.

Shepard shook her head again. Then she turned around and sat down, hard. Anderson sat down next to her.

For a moment, they didn’t say anything as they looked at the view of Earth and the war being fought outside.

“Anderson?  We did it, sir,” she said simply.

 “Yes, we did. We both did. It’s uh… quite a view.”

Half conscious and fading fast, Shepard didn’t even care that what Anderson said had been similar in her dream.

Shepard winced. Her injuries were taking their toll. “Best seats in the house,” she said wryly.

“God…feels like years since I just…sat down,” Anderson said.

“Think you’ve earned a rest,” Shepard replied, barely keeping her own eyes open.

“You ever wonder how things would ‘ve been different? How our lives would be… different if this…hadn’t happened? I never had a family Shepard. Never had children.”

She thought of Kahlee. Shepard knew she was waiting for him. “There’ll be time enough for that now.”

Anderson laughed. “I…I think that ship has sailed. What about you? Ever think about settling down?”

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment. Garrus and her had just talked about it before….all of this. “Yeah. I like the sound of that. Not sure I’d be much good at it though.”

“Sure you would. I think you’d make a great mother.”

“Uh-huh.” Shepard couldn’t really see herself changing diapers, or being a housewife.

“Think how proud your kids would be. Telling everyone their…their mom is Commander Shepard.”

“I don’t know about that. Not everything I’ve done is something to be proud of.” It was true. Some of the things she had done haunted her already. Did that kind of person really deserve a family? 

“ _I’m_ proud of you. You did good child, you did good.”

“Thank you sir.” Shepard said, smiling a bit.

When she was met only with silence, Shepard looked over at Anderson who had closed his eyes. “Anderson, stay with me. We’re almost through this. Anderson?”

Shepard stared at Anderson for a few moments and then lay back, closing her own eyes. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She couldn’t think anymore.

She didn’t have long to mourn him or wonder though, because the elevator beneath her began moving, leaving Anderson behind. She opened her eyes and grabbed on to the edges as she tried to keep her balance. Shepard wanted to face whatever was next standing on her own two legs, but she could feel the life draining out of her slowly. Her wounds didn’t even really hurt so much anymore—which wasn’t a good sign she knew.

She remembered this now though. The Catalyst would be here to finally end this nightmare.

But this time, everything was going to be on her own terms.

The elevator came to a stop. Shepard didn’t see anything or anyone around her, so she worked on standing up. Then, _his_ voice came from behind her. In front of her. All around her.

“Wake up.”

Shepard shook her head and found that a lot of the fuzziness she had been experiencing was gone. At least for now. She stood up.

“You resisted indoctrination. There have been many who have tried and even succeeded for a short time. But all eventually gave in or killed themselves to escape. Except you.”

“So that was…all a dream?” Shepard asked, breathless, still unable to see the AI.

“Everything after you reached the beam the first time happened in your head. But much of what you experienced is still true, as you have seen. I am the Catalyst and you are the first of your kind to stand here.”

The ghostly being of light walked around to stand in front of Shepard. It was in the form of Saren, not the boy. She jumped a little when she saw this. “You have a will unlike any other organic I have seen. But you still don’t understand.”

“Then tell me! Stop jerking me around!” Shepard yelled. Breathing hard, she added quietly, “Stop screwing with my head and be straight with me. I think I’ve earned that much.”

The Catalyst morphed into the Illusive Man. “We don’t have much time. But you need to know more to make a decision, so I will explain what I can. Everything Harbinger told you about my origins is true.”

“Harbinger?” Shepard said, confused.

“Harbinger was the one who attempted to indoctrinate you. He was impersonating me in your vision. The ones you know as Leviathan created me. They eventually became the first Reaper, Harbinger. But their main purpose for creating me was _not_ only to save organics from themselves. It was to find a way to stop the spread of what you know as dark energy from consuming everything.”

“Dark energy? I don’t—“ Shepard thought back to Tali’s mission on Haestrom. She had said the sun there had aged far too rapidly, possibly due to dark energy. Little was still known about dark energy’s place in the universe, but everyone knew that manipulating eezo with electrical currents released dark energy in order to create mass effect fields. That was physics 101. But that was about all she knew.

“Yes. I don’t have time to explain the details. You wouldn’t understand it. But element zero has been manipulated to release dark energy since the time of the Leviathan. They knew it would one day become a problem and tasked me with finding the solution. Eventually, I realized that the Leviathan were part of the problem – and could be part of the solution. “

“I found that certain organics had genetic markers that enabled the potential to absorb dark energy, similar to how some organics have genetic markers that enable the potential to manipulate dark energy, like you. But it wasn’t enough. This ability— when successful in even being created in an individual—was still on a small scale. It took too much energy and skill. Eventually I came to the conclusion that it would be far more efficient to create beings that would be able to absorb dark energy effectively myself. So I built the first Reaper out of the most advanced race that existed, what you call Leviathan. They did not approve, but it was the only solution. Harbinger was imperfect however—even an organic turned into a synthetic has its imperfections. And it alone wasn’t enough to substantially affect the problem. I knew I had to create more.”

Now the Catalyst morphed into the boy that had been haunting her indoctrination dreams. The boy who was everyone she couldn’t save on Earth.

“But there was another problem. I learned races needed to evolve to the point where they could manifest the potential to manipulate element zero before the genes for the ability to absorb dark energy began to show up. The genes didn’t occur naturally, but as a mutation after exposure to element zero. Organics evolve at a relatively slow pace however, and the process cannot be rushed. So we waited. And every cycle, when a race was ready, I tried once again to create the perfect being to absorb dark energy.”

“But it was never enough, and now we’re almost out of time. Look around the galaxy. Already you can see stars being affected by dark energy. But we noticed the genetic diversity within humans early on and knew they would be the galaxy’s solution. That is why we were trying to create the human Reaper you destroyed. With human’s genetic diversity we don’t need to wait another cycle to find the best genetic structure. It’s likely already somewhere hidden in your race’s vast variety of genes. We might finally be able to create the perfect being for dark energy absorption.”

This time the boy morphed into Garrus, and Shepard knew he was just trying to figure out what form she’d listen to best. “But you – the first being to have truly done so—have slowed our efforts every step of the way. And now we are almost out of time.  Completing the Crucible has unlocked new choices, new abilities for me. I have more power than I ever did before. But I can’t make a decision without your assistance. The choice is yours. Will you let us harvest humanity to attempt to create the perfect being to absorb the excess dark energy in the galaxy? We’ll leave a few humans alive to ensure your race survives— if we’re able to. We will only take what we need.”

Shepard shook her head. Betraying her own race…unleashing mass genocide for a maybe? “There…there’s gotta be another choice. Another option. There’s always another way.”

The Catalyst—still disturbingly in Garrus’ form—turned to face Shepard. “There is another way. One I didn’t have access to before your cycle completed the Crucible. It appears the device itself can reduce a portion of the dark energy in the galaxy. But this would only give you a small amount of time, not solve the problem. It seems previous cycles realized dark energy was an issue at some point and incorporated a limited ability to absorb it in the design. You could have all of what you call Reapers absorb the energy – which will destroy all Reapers in the process. It still won’t be enough but it will also buy you some more time.”

Shepard looked at beyond the Catalyst at the battles going on outside. Destroying the Reapers. Wasn’t that what she had set out to do the first time she’d ever spoken to one?

“If you choose to make the Reapers absorb the energy, your cycle will have to attempt to find another way before dark energy consumes the galaxy. And there will be no more Reapers to act as an emergency measure.”

“I’m not…I don’t know,” Shepard said. She was just a soldier. How could she know if that was even possible? Just building the Crucible was a massive undertaking that took most of their resources.

“There is one more option. If you wish to save humanity, you could also allow us to harvest the other races in hopes that one of their races’ genetics will hold the key we have been looking for.  This is unlikely as their genetic makeup isn’t varied enough, but it is possible and could save humanity. If you’re concerned with what effects genocide could have in the long term, know that some remnants of the other races may survive since we will have a bigger pool to select from.”

Shepard shook her head again. Kill off most of the other races to have a shot at saving humanity? It sounded like what the Illusive Man would do, and she’d disagreed with his methods from day one.

“The choice is yours, but we are out of time.”

“Wha-“ Everything went spinning just then, the ground moving from under Shepard's feet as a loud crash deafened her. The sound of metal scraping glass pierced the air. Shepard grit her teeth as her back hit the cold floor, awakening every bruise and wound while simultaneously jostling every fractured bone in her body. She pushed herself up as best she could, trying to figure out what had just happened. She looked at the ethereal image of the Catalyst (who was now in the form of a small Leviathan) for some answer and saw that he was no longer looking _at_ her, but at something _past_ her. Shepard turned her head slowly, painfully.

Fearfully.

Horrified, Shepard saw what the crash had been–it was a Reaper. It was on the outside of the Citadel and the glass now had faint lines spreading out from where it had landed. “Your brief existence is over, Shepard.” Harbinger boomed. _So that’s why he wasn’t at the beam,_ Shepard thought. _He must have known the indoctrination attempt failed._

“He’s your pet, isn’t he? Can’t you control him?” Shepard yelled at the Catalyst.

The Catalyst turned his alien head slightly, as if uncertain for the first time. “No. Not anymore. It appears that the changes your Crucible made are more widespread than I thought. My control over the Reapers has been compromised.”

_Great._

Harbinger slowly drew back one long leg and Shepard clasped her hands over her ears. Harbinger’s leg came down with a great crack on the glass that again shook the entire structure.

“It appears Harbinger may have learned about the new options the Crucible has opened up. He will attempt to destroy this place.”

Harbinger was still working at cracking the thick glass of the Citadel, so Shepard kept her hands on her ears and yelled.

“Why? Doesn’t he want me to fix this mess? Isn’t that his purpose?”

“Without my guidance, Harbinger’s purpose will no longer be clear. It is possible Harbinger has rediscovered some survival instinct. Or it is possible Harbinger simply wants to kill you.”

Shepard looked at the Catalyst’s shimmering image then, surprised.

“In either case, that glass will be broken in a few minutes, creating a vacuum and sucking you out into space, which you can’t survive…”

“Yeah, I get that!”

“…so it would be prudent for you to make your choice now. It is in your hands.”

Shepard looked back at Harbinger. She had never seen a Reaper in what appeared to be a rage before. The cracks had already spread all over the glass. With her pounding headache (not made any better by the Reaper) and loss of blood, Shepard thought she could hardly understand what the Catalyst had said, much less make a galaxy-changing decision on it. But as was often the case in her line of work, it seemed she had no choice. It was make a decision now on what little she understood or die and let the galaxy be ravaged by potentially uncontrolled Reapers. She turned back to the Catalyst.

“I came here to kill the Reapers one way or another, and I sure as hell am not sacrificing anymore lives— especially on a theory! Kill them; use them to absorb the dark energy or whatever the hell you have to do. Just destroy them and leave all organics alone!”

“So be it. You need to do one more thing. Go to the control panel and activate the sequence. Though I’ve lost control, the Reapers shouldn’t be able to resist the signal coming from the control panel.” The ground opened up not far in front of them, and a control panel rose up. Shepard had no idea what he wanted her to do, or what he meant, but she couldn’t stand the pounding anymore and certainly couldn’t hear anything. Things were getting kind of dark and fuzzy again too, and she was getting tired. Really tired. Shepard pushed off the floor a final time and stumbled to her feet. She clasped her hands over her ears and dragged herself along the long catwalk to the control panel.

The tubes and everything were there, just like her indoctrination dream, but there was only one path now. The entire Citadel kept shaking though, and Shepard had a hard time staying on her feet, wobbling from side to side _. I’m so tired…I…just want to sit down…._ An image of Anderson flashed in her mind, talking about how he hadn’t been able to just sit down in forever. She understood completely. She really did. He’d have his rest now, but she…she had to make sure it wasn’t all for nothing. She gathered a little more energy from her own force of will and kept on walking to the control panel.

It felt like the longest walk she’d ever taken, even longer than the one to the beam. It felt lonely too, as the ground shook beneath her. She tried to compensate to avoid falling but it was taking all of her remaining energy. She vaguely realized that she’d let her hands drop from her ears at some point and that she didn’t even notice. The sounds which were previously so piercing were all very distant now, as if they were happening very far away. _Garrus. Why am I thinking of him_? Less than ten feet from the console now, Shepard found all she could think of _was_ him. His smile, his laugh, his intense blue eyes.  A child. He wanted kids. Her eyes welled up as she felt a smile trying to form. A family. Garrus wanted a family. With her.

Suddenly Shepard was falling…falling up. Everything felt slow and…distant as she saw her destination of the console move away from her. Harbinger had broken through the glass. “Shoot the console, just like in the dream” the Catalyst’s ethereal voice whispered in her mind. It sounded like her voice, somehow. Shepard dazedly raised her gun—though her body was now in the air—and pulled the trigger.

One shot, two… _I’m so sorry, Garrus_. Three shots, four… _I’m doing this…for you_ … the fast paced beeping of overheating. Shepard realized two of her shots had made it, as she saw colors of orange, blue and gray flash before her tear-filled eyes. Fire, electricity and smoke. She had done it, she had deactivated the console. And as she fell up toward the hole in the glass and toward Harbinger, she realized… _Now I can finally rest. Meet you in the bar, Garrus._ She dropped her gun as her eyes closed, and a smile formed on her face at the thought of seeing him again.

_Art by[chissbountyhunter](http://xelestial.tumblr.com/post/34956612625/chissbountyhunter-art-based-on-and-created-for)_

* * *

“Prepare to enter FTL space. We’re uh, headed out,” came Joker’s voice quietly over the intercom. Everyone in the med bay stared at the intercom. Dr. Chakwas stopped her omni-tool mid-pass over Garrus. Garrus didn’t even notice.  _We’re, uh, headed out._ He felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach. _Do something!_ Garrus got up off the med bay bed, gently pushing Dr. Chakwas aside. Holding his side, he hobbled over to the intercom and hit it.

“What do you mean we’re headed out? You know Shepard’s still down there!”

“I know! I know. But you know the plan; Shepard and Hackett decided it themselves. The Crucible’s been armed, we have to retreat,” came back Joker’s voice.

Garrus stared hopelessly at the intercom, his mouth open, ready to say something, _anything_ that would be able to convince Joker to wait a little longer. But he knew. He knew that they couldn’t and that Shepard wouldn’t want them to. He leaned on the wall next to the intercom.

“But…she’s coming back,” he said, dejected. “Shepard….”

“I…I know, Garrus. We’ll-we’ll come back for her, alright? As soon as we can.”

Garrus nodded slightly, not thinking or caring that Joker couldn’t see him. He hit the intercom to turn it off.  After a moment of despair, he pushed himself away from the wall. He turned around and saw that Tali – who had been injured on the run to the beam as well—and Dr. Chakwas were staring at him. Garrus started to walk back toward them but bent over as the pain in his side hit him.

Chakwas walked over and put an arm under his to help hold him up. “You need to rest, Garrus. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for her.”

Garrus didn’t say anything and allowed himself to be steered to the bed. As he sat down, he looked at Tali who was sitting across from him on her own bed. He saw that she was no longer looking at him, but was instead looking down at the floor _. Guess I’m not the only one who’s going to lose someone if Shepard…._ It hurt to even think about it. Instead Garrus closed his eyes and tried to control the emotions roiling inside of him as Dr. Chakwas worked.

_You have to come back alive, Shepard. There’s no Vakarian without Shepard either._

* * *

 “I repeat, the Reapers are down. The war is over.”

There was a moment of silence that could be felt all throughout the ship as Hackett’s words settled into the minds of the crew of the Normandy. Could it be true? Could we dare to hope it is? Once the reality set in, the Normandy erupted with a fierce energy as passionate and pure joy overcame its members. People expressed it however they could – hugging, laughing, crying, in some cases even punching and jumping. But those in the med bay had reactions that were much tamer in comparison. Dr. Chakwas smiled at the intercom and whispered, “I knew she could do it,” while Tali smiled to herself before getting up to sit next to Garrus.

“It’s over you know. What we’ve all been fighting for, for so long…she did it,” she said quietly. Garrus numbly nodded. He didn’t know how to feel. Sure, he was happy it was over, but that feeling felt shallow and pale compared to the worry weighing on his heart.  

“It’s not over for you though, is it?”

“…No. Not until she’s back.” Garrus stood up. Chakwas had finished patching him up and he was more or less mobile now.

Tali looked up at him from the bed, studying him before finally saying, “I understand.”

Garrus silently walked out of the med bay as Tali and Dr. Chakwas watched. He headed into the elevator and clasped his side again once he was in it. He hadn’t wanted them to see him doing that. His wounds still hurt like hell since he’d declined any pain medication. Garrus wanted a sharp mind for what was to come.

The elevator opened and Garrus stepped out into the CIC. The crew was still laughing and talking and Garrus bitterly wondered if they had already forgotten the woman who had brought them that victory. _You know they haven’t. They have every right to celebrate._ Garrus walked past them, largely unnoticed until he reached the bridge.  To his surprise, both EDI and Kaidan were standing next to Joker, but only EDI saw him approach. When he reached the area, she left Joker’s side to meet Garrus.

“Hello Garrus. How are you feeling?”

“Fine, EDI. I-” Garrus stopped and looked over EDI’s shoulder. He heard Hackett’s voice coming from over the comm, apparently talking to Joker. EDI half turned to follow his eyes when she saw where he was looking.

“Admiral Hackett is still briefing Jeff and Major Alenko on the current situation on Earth. They are attempting to find out whether it is safe to travel there.”

Garrus stared at her in disbelief and EDI quickly picked up on it. “Is this information unexpected?”

“Uh, no. Well…” Garrus sighed. “I came up here to see if we could get headed back to Earth. I expected…I don’t know. Some resistance maybe. But you guys are way ahead of me.”

“I understand this must be particularly difficult for you, Garrus, but I assure you that we are all concerned about Shepard’s safety as well.”

Kaidan turned around then, realizing Garrus was there. “Hey Garrus, how you holdin’ up?”

“I’ll live. What’s the news on Earth?”

“Hackett says it was definitely Shepard up there on the Crucible. Couple soldiers both her and Anderson make it,” Joker said, beginning to get the ship ready for takeoff. “We’re headed back there now. Could use a little help here, EDI.”

“I am already assisting you through the ship, Jeff,” EDI walked over to her seat though, and sat down.

“Yeah I know. But it just doesn’t feel right if you don’t _look_ like you’re working too.” Joker said.

“There’s one thing Joker didn’t mention though, Garrus,” Kaidan said, walking up to Garrus. “The Crucible’s been reported to have damaged the Citadel. Some of the pieces have already fallen to Earth. We…don’t know if Shepard’s dead or alive.”

Garrus looked down. Despite all of the danger they were constantly in, his mind couldn’t even really process the thought that Shepard might be….He looked up at Kaidan. “Well, I’m always hoping for the best but expecting the worst,” he said, sounding much calmer than he felt. “But wherever she is, whatever happened to her, I _am_ going to find her.”

Kaidan nodded. “Let’s hope this will be our last mission for this war. Never thought our last one together would be a search and rescue mission for Shepard,” Kaidan walked past Garrus. “I’m going to go brief the rest of the team. You should get some rest. I have a feeling we’re going to need everyone at their best.”

“Right,” Garrus agreed, but knew he couldn’t rest. Not while Shepard was out there alone. Not while she might need him.

* * *

 Garrus scrolled through his helmet’s options and set it to look for heat emanations as per EDI’s suggestion. He was so distracted he could barely think, so he let everyone else give orders for the moment – he was simply concerned about finding Shepard.

The crew had landed on the Citadel. They decided it’d be easier to search there than on Earth, which was in a state of chaos. And it had been the last place she’d been seen. Every member of Shepard’s current team was there. Everyone had wanted to be there, no matter what they found. They had brought a stretcher with them just in case, and plenty of medi-gel. They had been able to follow the still-working beam up to the Citadel from Earth, and had come out on a bridge over a chasm. But what they saw ahead almost crushed all of Garrus’ hopes. The bridge had led to a door that was sealed.

“This is likely the central chamber of the Citadel.” EDI had said. “But it appears to have been sealed off.” Garrus had touched the door, searching desperately for a way to get in. Finally, he hit it in frustration. “Shepard had to have gone in there. We need to get in!”

“Wait. I believe I can open it.” EDI responded. A virtual interface appeared on the door and EDI walked to it and began working. Garrus nervously watched her, trying hard to be patient but inside he was going crazy. _She could be hurt or dying or…!_

Finally the door opened and Garrus rushed past EDI, followed by the others. Garrus stopped cold when he saw the chamber. It was in shambles. Glass was everywhere, and Shepard was nowhere in sight.

“The chamber is large and dangerous to maneuver in. I suggest everyone set their helmet to set it to look for heat emanations.” EDI said.

Garrus obeyed and tried to focus as he slowly walked around. The copious amounts of glass crunched under his feet loudly. So far, the visor wasn’t picking up anything.

“AAH!”

Garrus turned around quickly and almost lost his balance. Vega had fallen in the glass, on his butt.

“Keelah, you scared me.” Tali said while Kaidan walked over to help him up.

Garrus shook his head, a little amused but mostly frustrated about the distraction. After a few more minutes of silent looking, Garrus stopped and felt himself falling into despair.

“There’s no heat signatures here. If she’s here, she’s…,” he trailed, shaking his head.

EDI carefully walked up beside him and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. _I must be really bad if I’m getting sympathy from an AI_ , Garrus thought wryly.

“The chamber is quite large. We should-“

“I see something!” Liara yelled. Garrus turned around, once again slipping in the glass but he didn’t care. He looked at where Liara was pointing. She was pointing up. There was a very faint color, so small he wasn’t sure he would have seen it, at least not in his current state.

“Wait, there’s another one, over there! One of these must be Admiral Anderson, and one has to be Shepard.” Tali said. She was pointing toward the one on the ground. “It’s a lot stronger than the one up top though. We should probably focus on the one on the higher level. Whoever it is won’t last long.”

“We have to find a way up.” Kaidan said.

“There has to be some way to get up there if Shepard’s up there.” Garrus said. He felt hope returning to him, though he tried to keep it down to no avail. He wanted to check both out at the same time, but he knew they couldn’t just let someone die. And it could be Shepard.

“Here.” Javik said. He was standing a little ways away from the party and was pointing upward to a platform that appeared to be an elevator.

EDI walked slowly but skillfully across the glass to Javik. “I should be able to get it to come down.”

Once again a virtual interface came up near the elevator. “The level of technology here is incredible. It is even more seamless than the rest of the Citadel.” EDI commented as she worked.

“Yes. I’d love to study it some time.” Tali responded absent-mindedly. Garrus barely heard them; he was too busy staring at that faint heat signature that seemed to be growing dimmer every minute and wondering if it was Shepard. He walked across the glass, stumbling and slipping but never taking his eyes off it. The elevator came down as Garrus reached EDI. Garrus stepped onto it. “It’s small, so only a couple of us can go up. Might need help getting her onto the stretcher without hurting her, and we’ll need someone to monitor her vital signs.”

EDI stepped onto the elevator. “James is likely the strongest one here. He should have the stability to assist in safely lifting Shepard. I will go to monitor her vital signs.”

Garrus signaled for Vega to get on the elevator. Vega walked onto it holding the stretcher and looked nervously down. “Ey, this thing’s kinda small, no? No railings or nothing either.”

“You will be fine. If you prefer, you can hold onto me.” EDI said.

Vega laughed as EDI activated the elevator and it slowly rose up. Garrus tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever he was about to see. As it rose, Garrus saw a console ahead of him, but it too was buried in glass. The heat signature was close to it though. As the elevator stopped Garrus thought he saw an arm sticking out of a particularly large pile of glass and his breath caught in his throat. He hopped off and ran to the arm, slipping and falling several times in the glass but never stopping. Finally he reached the spot, and again he stopped breathing.

It was Shepard.

But she was nearly unrecognizable. Her face was bruised and bloodied, her black hair covered in white dust. But for some reason, she didn’t seem to have as much glass on her as the rest of the ground was filled with. Vega and EDI reached Garrus as he stared down at her, feeling frozen in place.

“Ay dios... Lola’s hurt bad.” Vega breathed.

EDI crouched down and examined her. “She is still alive. But her heartbeat and pulse are slow and very faint. We will have to be careful with moving her.” When Garrus didn’t say anything EDI turned to him. “Garrus?”

Garrus started and then crouched down next to EDI. _What’s wrong with me? What am I thinking? I gotta help her!_ He just wanted to touch her battered face, tell her that it was okay and carry her out of there. But he knew in her state it’d be dangerous. “What do you need me to do, EDI?”

“You and James will lift her onto the stretcher while I monitor her. We need to bring her to the Normandy quickly though.” EDI waved her omni-tool over Shepard, applying medi gel. “She is stable enough for now, so you can begin moving the glass. Be very careful. You do not want to injure her further.”

Vega bent down at her feet and Garrus looked at him. “You heard her, Vega. None of your recklessness with Shepard. If you hurt her….”

Vega shook his head and began moving some of the larger pieces of glass off of Shepard. “You know me. When I get serious, I’m serious. And I’m serious about getting Lola out of here alive.”

Garrus stared at him a moment more before beginning to help him take off the glass. When all but the small pieces were removed from her body, EDI spoke. “Now we need to place the stretcher under her. Carefully. I will help lift.”

Vega rose and picked up the stretcher and Garrus bent down, grabbing Shepard’s shoulders while EDI grabbed her legs. “Ready?” he asked EDI. EDI nodded and they slowly lifted her off the ground a little while Vega put the stretcher under her. Garrus and EDI slowly placed her onto it. Garrus then gently folded her arms over her chest so they wouldn’t hang off the stretcher.

“Vitals are still stable.” EDI said. Garrus let out a sigh of relief. “Let’s get her to the Normandy.” Vega went to the other side of the stretcher and Garrus bent down again to grab it near her head. He nodded to Vega. They lifted it and began walking slowly and carefully toward the elevator, while EDI walked alongside them, monitoring Shepard. Garrus looked down at her. Her bloodied face and arms, her damaged armor, her folded arms…she looked like death. _It’s going to be okay, Shepard. You’re safe now. And I’m never going to let anything take you from me again._

* * *

Bright white was the first thing she saw when Shepard opened her eyes. After a moment, details in the white appeared and she could tell she was staring at a ceiling. She tried to turn her head away from the brightness and instantly regretted doing so. Or trying to do so anyway. Her neck was sore. Really sore. And stiff. Shepard reached up to touch her neck and felt a brace around it. Suddenly she realized she had been hearing announcements for doctors and nurses to report to other rooms the whole time. _So…a hospital_ , she thought. The last things she remembered flooded into her mind. The console, reaching it, getting sucked up into space with Harbinger there to greet her…or so she had thought.

_Why am I alive?_ Shepard stared at the plethora of bouquets surrounding her bed. Some were dying, they had been there so long, and some looked like they had been through a lot by the time they’d reached her room. Shepard realized she heard deep breathing on the other side of her and turned her head despite the pain _. Garrus!_ In the chair sat Garrus, sleeping up right, head down.

_So they did make it out…he’s okay!_ A giant weight felt like it had been lifted off of her. The guilt she felt when she’d said goodbye, the false smile trying to reassure him while she knew she was going to her death…and yet couldn’t stop wondering if he’d be okay. Shepard couldn’t help but let out a painful laugh of relief. Garrus, always a light sleeper, woke up immediately. Shepard met his startled eyes for a moment, and so much passed between them. Shock, disbelief, relief….

Garrus was up and by her side before she knew it, kneeling down as he clasped her hand. “Shepard, you’re….” Garrus closed his eyes and shook his head, speechless.

“Shh…it’s okay.” Shepard whispered hoarsely. She reached over to stroke his head with her other arm, though it was a major effort because it was in a cast. After a few moments of this, Shepard stopped abruptly, gasping. “Garrus, the war! What happened? Are the Reapers—?”

Garrus looked up now and nodded. “It’s over. We won. They’re saying the Reapers are history,” he said, smiling. “Thanks to you.” Shepard just stared at Garrus, trying to let it sink in. The Reapers…gone? They had been chasing them so long, first trying to prevent them, and then trying to save others from their devastation. And now…after all these years…it was…over?

Garrus touched her face gently. “I know what you’re thinking. I felt the same way. Everyone did, but especially everyone who was with you in the beginning. It’s hard to believe and you know I’m a skeptic but…it’s been almost three weeks, Shepard. We haven’t heard anything from the Reapers. I heard that after emitting some kind of light, they all just…disintegrated. It seems too perfect, believe me I know. But whatever you did seemed to do it. Speaking of which…what _did_ you do?”

Shepard tried to remember all that had happened in the last moments. The Catalyst. He had offered her a choice…a terrible choice with terrible consequences. And she had chosen…she had chosen to save everyone she could and hope that they could find a way to stop the dark energy from spreading. Her heart sank as she remembered this. _So, it’s not really over. It’s never over._ Shepard looked at Garrus’ expectant face.

Didn’t he deserve some peace? Didn’t everyone? This war had taken so much from them, had taken more of a toll than even she knew…but the threat couldn’t just be ignored. Or could it? Who knows how much time they had now that she had chosen to have the Reapers sacrifice themselves to hold the dark energy off. Months…years…centuries? How long was a short time to a being that has lived billions of years?

“Shepard? Something wrong?”

Shepard attempted a smile but was sure it came out as a grimace. Her face felt like stone.

“No…um, I…” Shepard tried to push herself up but couldn’t. Garrus helped her sit up, adjusting the bed for her too. “It’s a long story. I-I met the Catalyst. That intelligence Leviathan talked about and…and I….” Leviathan. Shepard had forgotten about them too. Now that the Reapers were gone, what was stopping them from attacking humanity? It was all too much. Shepard just sat there, numb, forgetting what she was saying.

“We can…talk about this later,” Garrus said, not quite able to hide his worry. “I’m sure the others will want to hear you’re up. For a while there, we didn’t know if you were going to make it or not.  You scared me, Shepard. I...wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again. ”

Shepard ripped herself away from the tempest of thoughts inside her own head when she heard the hurt in his voice. She’d wanted to bring him peace but all she’d ever done was make his life harder. She had been too selfish to break it off before and now she wondered if he didn’t deserve something better.

“I’m sorry Garrus. I never wanted to hurt you.” Shepard reached up and touched his scar like she always did.

He leaned into her hand, staring at her with his icy blue eyes. “We both knew the stakes, Shepard. But I guess we’re both stubborn. Didn’t stop us from being together and didn’t stop me from worrying about you.”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right." Shepard wanted nothing more than to say that it was all over now, but with both the Leviathan and dark energy problem that she had unleashed onto the galaxy, she knew that this was only the end of one story and the beginning of another. “But…Garrus, I can’t guarantee what will happen—“

“Remember what I said about retiring? Maybe even a family?”

Shepard couldn’t help but smile. It was just a dream, but it was the only thing she had to hold onto during the hard moments of the final push. Knowing that if she got through this, Garrus would be waiting for her and she could have the life she hadn’t known she’d even wanted until that moment. But it would have to stay just that—a dream. In fact…she couldn’t put Garrus through all of this again. The only thing she could give him now was peace of mind, and where she was going, what she’d have to do…she wouldn’t—couldn’t—do that to him again.

“Garrus, we can’t—“

Garrus took both of her hands suddenly, surprising her. “I don’t care what happens now. Maybe we’ll never recover from this, maybe we will. But I’ve let you go too many times and I’m not doing it again. Not as long as I’m alive. I never wanted to pressure you because I knew you had other options. Because I knew this was a bad time to get involved in a relationship. But I don’t care anymore. The only thing in this galaxy that makes me happy is being with you, Shepard. And I want to do that for as long as I can.” Garrus took a deep breath, and looked directly into her eyes. His stare was so intense that Shepard couldn’t say anything. “So…will you marry me?”

Shepard stared at Garrus, her mouth hanging open. She was speechless. Here she had been, steeling herself to break up with him for his own good and he…proposed marriage? Shepard stared so long that Garrus shifted uncomfortably.

“I…I said the wrong thing, didn’t I? You know how I am with watching vids, and the whole romance thing…I didn’t do it right did I? Crap, I forgot the kneeling thing but I’m already on my knees so I wasn’t sure… Or did I move too fast? Am I pressuring you? Because I don’t want to pressure you Shepard. Or…” Garrus shook his head and when he looked at her next, she could see the fear in his eyes. “Is that a no? Because we don’t have to do it right now, I know it’s hectic, I just meant—“ Shepard learned toward Garrus and kissed him. She pulled away and held his face. “Is the way humans say yes?” Garrus asked tentatively.

Shepard smiled. “Sometimes. I feel the same way Garrus. Whatever time I do have left, I want to spend it with you. I just hope…I just hope I’m deserving of you.”

“Not sure what you mean. Me? I can’t wait until I introduce my fiancée as the Savior of the Galaxy to my Dad. Even he can’t have anything bad to say about that.” Garrus and Shepard laughed. Garrus then reached over to hug Shepard gently. “Thanks Shepard. You don’t know what this means to me.”

Shepard hugged him back, tears finally rolling down her face. She felt so many emotions. Worry, joy, love, relief, guilt….She knew it was wrong to say yes, but everything inside her wanted this as bad as he did. Even knowing what might be coming. But didn’t she deserve some happiness in her life? Growing up on Mindoir, she thought she was happy, but all that ended when Batarian slavers killed her family and took her away. She’d had nowhere to go but the military, and they became her new family. But she’d lost everything again when threshers wiped out her squad on Akuze.

Shepard had been in some really dark places in her life, but they’d made her into the survivor she was today. She’d vowed then to make sure no one else felt the pain of loss like she had again. But she had failed. She couldn’t save everyone, but she would never stop trying. Shepard had lived her last 20 years for others, never for herself. So in this one thing, couldn’t she be selfish?  But their happiness came at a heavy price, and Garrus would be the one to have to pay it.

_Garrus, I hope for your sake…that the cost is worth it._

* * *

**_Epilogue: Three years later_ **

Shepard grabbed her cup of coffee and her terminal, as she always did. Garrus was gone; he had taken the kids to go to the beach. She had had to convince him that she’d catch up later—he never wanted to be anywhere without her. It seemed he still thought she might disappear one day. Or maybe it was that Garrus could tell that she might, like Shepard sometimes suspected. He knew she had bad days sometimes though. Days where she didn’t want to face any crowds. Though he always tried to stay with her on those days, the kids were pretty energetic today and she had convinced him that it would be better if she took some time to herself.

Shepard felt guilty about not telling him the whole truth, as she did almost every day. But he seemed happy most of the time and she wanted to keep it that way. Every week for the past two and a half years she found an excuse or way to be alone, though it had gotten increasingly more difficult since they had bought a house together, and even more so since he had convinced her to adopt kids. Shepard had long accepted that her birthing an actual turian-human baby was unlikely, but once she would have believed bringing someone back from the dead was impossible too, so she liked to give science the benefit of a doubt. And they enjoyed trying anyway.

Shepard decided to take the conference call out on the deck today. It was nice out and that way she could watch for Garrus making any surprise visits. She placed the terminal on their patio table and drank some coffee as she stared out at the sea. Garrus and the kids weren’t within view, so she guessed they must be further down the beach. The warm breeze brought the smell of sea salt to her and Shepard breathed in deeply. Back then, slaving away for the Batarians—or even back in some of the hellish places she had been in fighting against Reaper forces—she could have never imagined that she would ever be able to have something like this. A perfect man who was completely in love with her. A family, a lovely house on the beach.

And she was doing what she loved, what she was good at. Both she and Garrus consulted for the Alliance and Turian military. The Alliance had even tried to get Shepard to be the new human Councilor but Shepard took a page from Anderson’s book and declined it. Anderson was retired now, living out his own life with Kahlee, and when she had come to him for advice on the position, he’d told her to run as far as she could in the other direction. She found herself coming to her senses and agreeing with him. She had seen bureaucracy at its finest and wanted nothing of it.

Still though, she knew the Alliance wouldn’t stop until it saw her in some sort of leadership role. Truthfully, Shepard didn’t think she was mentally fit enough to deal with it anymore. Not a week went by without her thinking of everyone she’d lost. Her family had just been the first, and back then she couldn’t even save herself. Sometimes she went down to the beach to collect seashells with the kids. She intended to place them at Mordin’s monument in Tuchanka, someday. She kept the piece of armor that Legion had worn in a chest in the attic, along with one of Ash’s favorite rifles. And there were so many more too, that she couldn’t save, but never forgot.

Shepard checked her messages, lost in her thoughts until she saw one from Admiral Stephen Hackett. Most of the scientific team from the Crucible now made up a team called Dark Energy Research Team or DERT that only focused on researching one goal: stopping dark energy. Another team of the best reconnaissance and researchers from the Leviathan research team took care of tracking any potential Leviathan movements.

Shepard had told no one but Hackett and let him take care of the logistics. A military man through and through, Hackett had no intention of retiring while there was still a threat. She admired his resolve, but felt guilty for taking it easy out here while he still commanded.

“You’ve been out there on the front lines of the worst we’ve ever seen Shepard. You deserve a rest,” he had said when hearing of her decision to only remain a consultant. “But the day might come when we’ll need you out there again. And I know you’ll be ready.”

Shepard knew she owed it to the galaxy for what she’d done. But she couldn’t help but fear that day. She half-hoped it wouldn’t come while she was still alive. She clicked on Hackett’s routine update email—he always felt it necessary to update her personally, but kept it vague despite the encryption. He would simply send her an update stating that everything was fine and she could breathe a sigh of relief for the week, and get back to her life.

She only came in every few months to see personally how things were going, which Garrus believed was her consulting. And in a way, it was. Shepard clicked the message Hackett had sent for this week now, butterflies in her stomach as always despite the last three years messages….”OSCAR KILO”. OK. Everything was okay. Shepard let out a sigh of relief. She was safe for another week…the galaxy was safe for a little longer.

She was about to close her terminal and head down to the beach when she noticed yet another message.  It was from Hackett too. He never sent more than one, but this one was dated Saturday, today, instead of his usual Friday reports. She nervously opened it….It simply had date and time information. But Shepard knew these were the times for a shuttle and the time he wanted to meet her at. Hackett wanted her to come to the hidden base where DERT worked…and he wanted her to come _today_.

Shepard’s breath caught in her chest. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She tried to calm down, asserting to herself that panic would not change anything. As she tried to get herself under control, she saw Garrus and the children walk into view on the beach before her. They all waved, and Shepard waved back, hoping they were far enough that Garrus couldn’t see her face. But Garrus stared at her a moment longer than was normal and she knew. Knew that he knew something was wrong. He continued walking with the kids however, not letting them know anything was wrong.

Shepard waited until they were out of view and then shut off her terminal. She ran into the house and grabbed her only suitcase. It contained her armor and a pistol, which she would have to leave in the case lest Garrus notice it. The shuttle and the base would have anything else she needed. She didn’t know how she was going to explain it to Garrus, but hoped he would take it as an emergency consultant meeting. Hackett had never ordered her to the base without it being a long scheduled event, and he had never sent her a message on a weekend. Whatever it was, it was big.  Shepard could only hope that it was something good for once, like the answer to the dark energy problem. The only other alternative meant Shepard would be torn away from her family—from Garrus— and death for the entire galaxy. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to have a sequel that will be a chapter story. It will start when I finish Destruction's Wake and I expect it to continue through spring 2013 at least. I wanted to write the entire series for the ME Big Bang, but that turned out to be way too ambitious as I didn't have a full plot and had a lot of other obligations. It also probably would have been like 50,000 words. Which is okay for some people, but if I write those many words in a quick amount of time, I'm probably just rambling. I am just happy I was able to get this done :) Much thanks to the organizer, Alisha for being so understanding.
> 
> # Story Notes
> 
>   
> ***Indoctrination Theory** : Not entirely proved or disproved, I love the idea of it anyway. [ Here's a link to the video that first convinced me ](http://youtu.be/ythY_GkEBck)  
> ***Dark Energy** : I used the scrapped idea of the dark energy theory that so many other fans claimed they would have preferred. I wanted to see how logical it was. You tell me how I handled it, since I had to take a lot of creative license to figure out how it might work. [Here's the idea's notes.](http://www.strategyinformer.com/news/17086/mass-effect-writer-drew-karpyshyn-reveals-original-mass-effect-3-endings)  
>  ***ME2 Companions Fight on Earth** : Specifically fan disappointment at not fighting alongside those squad mates and Jack's cut dialog that shows they were going to at least let us fight alongside her convinced me to put it in. I didn't have the time to put in a full epic finish detailing what had happened prior to first run to the beam unfortunately. [Link to Jack's cut dialog.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_AK6vz4_bM>/br>)  
>  ***Thane Lives** : I believe that since BioWare admitted they cut out two romances due to "lack of resources" for female Shepard, if they had had more time or resources they would have had an option to save Thane. Supporting this theory is evidence of scrapped scripts that you can see more about on the [Save Thane Facebook page](https://www.facebook.com/savethanecampaign). I do believe BioWare would have had an option to have him die, but to me it is clear they were planning to have an option to have him cured or at least alive at the end of the game.  
>  ***Illusive Man Reaper** : There was a scrapped idea of the Illusive Man turning into a Reaper. I have uploaded the concept art page so that you might view his Reaper form [here.](http://i.imgur.com/9ya4u.jpg)  
>  ***"Kids" Dialog Between Anderson and Shepard** : Used cut dialog of Anderson and FemShep. No idea why it was cut. Maybe they didn't want to presume too much for the player? [Here is a linked to the voiced dialog.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDWpd9nCKws)  
>  ***Anderson Alive** : I can say this was a guilty pleasure to some degree. But also, Anderson only died in the "indoctrination dream" if you believe that theory, so it gave me a chance to save him. And he died in such a silly way imo, that it seemed like there should have been a way to save him. Getting shot by Shepard because Shepard was somehow being mysteriously controlled by the Illusive Man? No way. At least give him a true hero's death. Besides, I knew Kahlee was waiting for him.  
>  ***Others Still Dead** : I don't want or need a happy story all the time. This is war time. Mordin I believe, died a real heroes death. So did Ashley, in my game. Legion is more ambiguous as the way he died made no freakin' technological sense to me. So is Legion alive in my incarnation? I'm not sure. Maybe he'll come back one day.


End file.
